I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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