wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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