Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
