Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
