my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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