i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
