I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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