Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
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Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
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I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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