i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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