I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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