I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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