I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
we're so committed to being not committed
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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