just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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