a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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