That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
