After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
