There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
