Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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