I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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