So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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