There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
