pop tarts are not kleenex
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
