How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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