soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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