Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize