UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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