it was like eating out sand paper
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Drunk is not a location!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
