Well douche your snatch and let's go!
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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