did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
