Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
