Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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