Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
