you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
