it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you mean i was at the winter classic?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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