She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
