I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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