I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
