you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
