Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
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I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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