New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
