I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My breasts were aching with rage.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
