Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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