Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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