Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
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we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
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I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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