Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize