i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
