I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
