Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
