Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
