Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
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At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
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His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Someone signed my nipple.
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