I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
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Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
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Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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