I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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