I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
