i don't like sucking hair
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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