Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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