Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
