Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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