I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize