I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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