For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
