guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
