yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
