We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
