wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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