On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
