YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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