I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
