I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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