I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
how drunk are you?
Several
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
