You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
