i already hear my dad disowning me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Randomize
