I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
