you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
