shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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