If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
