That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
