I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
